Florida and the 2024 Dante's Inferno Schedule That Lies Ahead
Can Billy Napier and the Gators survive their upcoming descent through college football hell?
On the evening of Good Friday in the year 1300, Dante Alighieri fearfully wandered the dark forest searching for a way home. His nightmarish journey led him to the ghost of Virgil, a Roman poet, who was sent to rescue him.
Virgil promises to save Dante. The caveat? The pair must travel through Hell to get to Heaven. Without another option, Dante relents and agrees to follow Virgil through the dark descent of the nine circles of hell.
Two years into his dream job at the University of Florida, head coach Billy Napier appears to be lost in the dark woods himself. He’s won just 11 games and has fallen under increased scrutiny as conference rivals appear to be surpassing the once mighty Gators.
Napier’s only path to survival beyond 2024? Embarking on an Inferno-esque descent through college football hell. Napier and the Gators face one of the most daunting college football schedules in recent memory this fall. Napier’s only path forward is to march through this brutal schedule and hope to come out the other side.
Can Napier do the unthinkable in 2024 and win enough to shake the first-coach-fired label? Or is the Gators’ path forward too treacherous, with the only outcome being a reset in the offseason?
2024 Florida Gators Football Schedule
August 31 - No. 24 Miami (FL)
September 7 - Samford
September 14 - No. 25 Texas A&M
September 21 - at Mississippi State
Bye Week
October 5 - UCF
October 12 - at No. 16 Tennessee
October 19 - No. 23 Kentucky
Bye Week
November 2 - Neutral site No. 1 Georgia
November 9 - at No. 4 Texas
November 16 - No. 12 LSU
November 23 - No. 6 Ole Miss
November 30 - at No. 15 Florida State
The Nine Circles of Hell
To accurately explain the different circles of hell from Inferno, I’ve included excerpts from A Visitor’s Guide to Dante’s Nine Circles of Hell by Matt Staggs. I loved the explainers here, and they did a great job of making this story more accessible.
Without further ado, let’s start our descent.
First Circle: Limbo
The first circle is home to the unbaptized and virtuous pagans. It’s not Heaven, but as far as Hell goes, it isn’t too bad: It’s the retirement community of the afterlife. Hippocrates and Aristotle will be your neighbors, so any attempt at small talk will probably turn into Big Talk in a hurry. You’ll have television, but all of the channels will be set to CSPAN.
Nothing says limbo, quite like starting off the 2024 season with a home game against a fellow anxiety program in No. 24 Miami. Couple that with a Week 2 home game versus non-pushover Samford, and the trap has been laid.
Miami and Florida are sometimes linked because of proximity, but the 2024 versions of both teams are similar. Both Napier and Mario Cristobal are coaching for their jobs. Both fanbases are beyond restless. Both programs have rich histories and just haven’t been close to meeting the mark in recent years.
Napier can earn himself some goodwill by kicking off the 2024 season on a strong note. Last year, the Gators flopped on a Thursday night against a Cam Rising-less Utah team and looked really bad doing so. The game was sloppy (a theme for the 2023 Gators) and the offense never got going.
The Gators should start the season with second-year transfer quarterback Graham Mertz leading the charge. But don’t sleep on early enrollee freshman phenom DJ Lagway. Lagway was a 5-star recruit and was a major get for Napier. He also crushed it during the Gators’ spring game. He looks the part–and the promise of Lagway’s future stardom could be Napier’s saving grace, even if the wins don’t stack up. Let’s keep an eye out for that subplot.
Second Circle: Lust
The wind-buffeted second circle of Hell is the final destination of the lustful and adulterous — basically anyone controlled by their hormones. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy were among its most famous residents during Dante’s day, but you can expect this place to be full of angsty teenagers and reality television stars by the time you arrive.
When I think of hormonal and irrational thinking, my brain leads me straight to College Station. Fitting that this matchup aligns with this circle of hell.
These two programs are largely in different places. The Aggies are eyeing up a strong first year under new coach Mike Elko, while Napier is fighting for his life.
I suspect this will be a very tough opening SEC test for the Gators. A&M was largely mismanaged toward the latter years of the Jimbo Fisher era and Elko should fix that. Elko has a stacked roster and it isn’t inconceivable that they put together a good first year. An unforgiving start to SEC play for the Gators.
Third Circle: Gluttony
Today’s forecast calls for plenty of icy rain and slush — a “wintery mix” for all eternity. You know those people whose Instagram feeds are full of carefully lit photos of artfully arranged entrees? You’ll probably find them here, plus anyone whose response is “I’m kind of a foodie” when asked where they’d like to go eat.
Mississippi State and UCF are wildly different programs, but I wouldn’t consider either to be terribly gluttonous. However, they both have a strong amount of young talent (especially UCF) and neither should be looked at as a cakewalk.
The Bulldogs will look to kick on under new coach Jeff Lebby. Expect a fast-paced offense with lots of creativity. The Bulldogs have a similarly difficult schedule in 2024, but this could be a trap game for the Gators. Keep an eye on that.
Losing to UCF, on the other hand, would be the equivalent of stepping on a rake and smacking Napier in the forehead. Sure, the Golden Knights have a formidable coach in Gus Malzahn, an experienced new quarterback in Arkansas transfer KJ Jefferson and lots of skill talent…but there is a big brother-little brother complex with this one and Napier just can’t lose this. I repeat: Can’t lose.
Fourth Circle: Greed
This section of Hell is reserved for the money-grubbers and overly materialistic among us. According to Dante, those condemned to the fourth circle spend eternity fighting over money and valuables, so be prepared to meet all of your distant cousins who show up out of nowhere with empty U-Haul trucks moments the moment after a well-to-do great aunt or uncle dies.
Tennessee and Kentucky, come one down.
While the greedy circle feels more appropriate for a school like A&M, the part about “spending an eternity fighting over money and valuables” fits here, especially in terms of recruiting. Tennessee and Kentucky are direct rivals with Florida in the SEC East, and that certainly applies to recruiting.
In the 247 Sports rankings, the 2024 Florida recruiting class came in as the 13-ranked class. But Tennessee (14th) and Kentucky (24th) weren’t far behind. And in recent years, both Tennessee and Kentucky have had much stronger on-field success with Josh Heupel and Mark Stoops leading the charge.
I could argue that Florida is already behind these two schools in the SEC East pecking order. Perhaps they aren’t there quite yet on the recruiting trail, but with another down year, it’s not inconceivable to think it could happen.
Fifth Circle: Anger
Dante tells us that the wrathful and angry souls of this circle spend eternity waging battle on the River of Styx. If playing pirates forever sounds like your idea of a good time, then the fifth circle can’t be too bad. Be prepared to hoist the Jolly Roger and go to war against that one guy in line who yelled at your favorite barista, and the road rage-possessed driver who very nearly rear-ended you last week.
Buddy, you wanna see some angry Gator fans? Let Billy Napier mess around and get his keister kicked for the third year in a row at The World’s Largest Cocktail Party.
The Georgia Death Machine is rolling right now, and that shouldn’t change anytime soon. Head coach Kirby Smart has taken the Alabama blueprint and supercharged it in Athens. So yes, this will be an incredibly tough ask for Napier and company.
But still, rivalries matter. Getting smacked around by your rivals for three years in a row doesn’t sit well anywhere. Especially not in Gainesville.
Aside from winning, I think Florida needs to play better and keep it closer than they have the last two seasons. In 2022 and 2023, UGA wiped the floor with them and the final scores weren’t truthfully that close.
I have no faith that Florida could win this game, though. This feels like a take your cough medicine and keep it moving moment.
Sixth Circle: Heresy
Dante wrote that heretics spent eternity entombed in flaming crypts in the sixth circle, but heresy is kind of an obscure sin in modern times. There’s probably plenty of vacancies now, so let’s fill this one with anyone who goes bananas whenever “their” movie franchise or comic book changes in a way they don’t like. The air in the sixth circle is probably choked with ashes and anguished cries of “[X] ruined my childhood!”
Flaming crypts and people complaining about things that don’t go their way…that’s Texas enough for me.
Texas complained so much and got so aggravated with the state of the Big 12 conference, that they nuked the Longhorn Network and took a ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ approach to joining the SEC.
2024 will be the inaugural SEC season for head coach Steve Sarkisian and Texas, but they looked primed for a dominant debut. Fresh off a College Football Playoff appearance, the Longhorns are undoubtedly national title contenders this year.
If Georgia was a cough medicine moment for the Gators, this feels like when your dad used to make you spread mulch as a kid. You didn’t want to do it but you didn’t really have a choice.
Florida’s defense will be pushed to the brink by the high-powered Longhorns’ offense and they’ll need something special on offense to keep up. On the road at Texas doesn’t feel like an ideal DJ Lagway spot…but if the Gators are desperate enough, you never know. Who knows if Napier will still have a job at this point?
Seventh Circle: Violence
The outer ring is filled with blood and fire and reserved for murderers and thugs.
Last year, Heisman-winning quarterback Jayden Daniels inflicted a particularly cruel brand of violence against the Gators. Daniels finished with a mind-boggling 606 total yards and five touchdowns. He also became the first quarterback in FBS history to notch at least 300 passing yards and 200 rushing yards in the same game. It was a complete bloodbath.
Fortunately for the Gators, Daniels plays for the Commanders now. The downside? LSU might have another really good quarterback waiting in the wings in Garrett Nussmeier. Nussmeier has patiently bided his time to be the main man in Baton Rouge, and I suspect he’ll have a good year.
Fresh off games against UGA and Texas, this matchup at this time feels very difficult.
Eighth Circle: Fraud
The eighth circle is subdivided into ten trenches. We won’t get into the specifics of who goes where (Too bad, Dante. That’s what you get for making me write abut the seventh circle) but here you’ll find con artists of all sorts. Dante described ditches, but I prefer to think of the eight circle as being a giant cubicle farm full of phone and internet fraudsters. Welcome, supposed “IRS agents” who insist on being paid in iTunes cards.
Ole Miss. Fraud. What? Never!
While the Rebels themselves might not be committing fraud, Lane Kiffin and company love to make defenses look fraudulent. They’ve pushed their chips into the center of the table with high-profile transfer acquisitions and key talent coming back to Oxford.
If Napier is on the ropes (or the bell has already rung) by the time this game comes due, be prepared for the Lane Kiffin to Florida rumors to heat up. I’m convinced he’s going to try and leave Oxford after this season. Gainesville makes a lot of sense to me. Time will tell.
Ninth Circle: Treachery
Can you imagine the absolute scenes if Napier and company lose to Miami, UCF or both and then face the prospect of needing to beat FSU to maintain bowl eligibility? It’s not that far fetched.
I’m curious to see how FSU looks this season. They had a killer run last year until Jordan Travis got hurt and they got left out of the CFP. DJ Uiagalelei is holding the line at quarterback this season for the Noles. He was fine in Corvallis last season, but hasn’t yet reached the lofty heights the general public set for him.
As long as he’s perfectly decent, FSU should be good again and compete for the ACC title. This feels like a body blows game. Lots of end-of-season games could be labeled body blow games, but after the murderous row before the FSU matchup, this feels brutal.
What Lies Ahead
How are you feeling, Gator fans? That good, huh? I can’t blame you.
Look, I won’t sugarcoat it. This is going to be hard. Very hard. But if you need an example of a dead man walking coach who made things swing the other way, look to Morgantown and Neal Brown.
Last year, Brown was in the same shoes Napier is wearing. His team was picked dead last in the Big 12 and everyone was firing up the ‘fired by October’ takes. Sound familiar?
But to Brown and the Mountaineers’ credit, they used the shade as fuel and rattled off an impressive 9-4 record and finished fourth in the conference.
Now, the Gators’ road feels much more difficult than the country roads WVU traveled, with all due respect. But even so, you can see a path out if you look hard enough.
At the end of Inferno, both Dante and Virgil scratch and claw their way out of hell to see the other side. It’s nighttime as they breakthrough, so they’re able to “see, once more, the stars.”
I suspect about two-thirds of the way through the 2024 season, we’ll have a pretty good idea if Billy Napier is seeing stars or feeling the heat.